I Have Always Wanted an Emu
       

It takes guts to goose Johnny Carson
with an emu.
That's why I've always wanted
an emu.

My emu will have more plastic surgery
than Cher, Demi Moore,
and the entire waitstaffs of all the Hooters,
combined.

I just discovered the whole emu scene
twelve days ago.
Now I want to purchase
an elegant Elizabethan mansion
and live there with my emu.
Their sound is incredibly deep,
like European dudes.

The main reason I love emus
is that people suck.
It is impossible
for emus to suck.
They don't have lips.

I also love emus because
no one in my family can fly
but we all run really fast.
We have three toes on each foot.
I'm very curious too.
I stick my nose into everything
and if I don't understand something

I stomp on it.
I love Triscuits too.
I believe them to be
the best crackers ever
in the whole history
of crackers.
I also love the new and improved
Stardust Ballroom.
I have received double
in payback blessings
for every rotten thing that happened
to me and my emu
the last time we went
ballroom dancing theresomeone
removed my pants
and slathered me with
orange marmalade.
The police
were NOT amused.

Here is the first poem
I ever wrote
about emus:

I love emus
whose color is black.
My father took my Legos
and won't give them back.

Don't tell anyone,
but I also love
sexy emu amputees
. I heard emus are prudes
but I also heard
Posh Spice sleeps alone.
It's insane how she resembles
a raptor.

If you're coulrophobic
(fear of clowns),
don't be afraid.
You can't love a clown
or an emu
if you don't
love yourself first.

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Copyright © 2016 Sharon Mesmer All rights reserved
from Greetings from my Girlie Leisure Place
Bloof Books
Reprinted by Verse Daily® with permission